Get Ready, Missouri – You’re About To Be Covered in Zombie Bug Pee
No, I am not making that up, and yes, technically, that is true. But we can unpack that if you like. Ready yourself, gentle reader.
So, as you may have heard, the Cicadas are coming. Now that's not a huge deal for us Missourians... I mean, I hear them pretty often in my trees every year in my neck of the woods. So what's the big deal? The big deal is, there are two broods coming out at the same time this year, and that's rare. Here's the tea from the scientifical people:
In 2024, two broods will emerge: Brood XIX, which is on a 13-year cycle, and Brood XIII, which is on a 17-year cycle. These two broods haven't matched up since 1803, according to research from the University of Connecticut.
So basically, it's going to be a huge... swarm? Is that the term? Like, not thousands. Not millions. Billions. Well, since there are so many of them coming at the same time, it might be a good idea to tell you a few things about them first.
1. They're Not Quite Ready Yet.
So basically, they need the temperatures to be consistently above 65 before they'll come out. They've been burrowed under ground for seventeen years, after all, they can wait a bit longer. So we should expect to see them in Missouri starting maybe a little bit now, but definitely more in May and June. All told, they come out, they shed, sing their songs, mate, and die within about six weeks. Now that's not saying they'll all come out at once. They'll come when they come, but all told it should be about that long.
2. Don't Worry About Your Dog.
The Cicadas and their shells will be everywhere. We know this. We've all stepped on a shell or two or picked them off a tree. But the fact is, if your cat or dog eats them, they'll be fine. Now if they eat a ton of them, it might be an issue if you've got a small pet, but only because the crunchy outer skeleton part might scratch their digestive tract. But the main thing is, if you're off on your walk and your dog sees one to chase, it's okay. There's nothing toxic or poisonous about them, and they don't sting. And don't worry about your plants or your trees, either. If you've got a baby tree you've planned to plant, maybe wait on that, but in general they'll just lay eggs and leave most stuff alone.
3. You'll Get Peed On, But.. It's Okay.
I know. I know, guys. I just told you that you're going to get peed on by random bugs that hibernate for long enough to get a driver's license. And that sounds disgusting, right? Well, it's really kind of okay. Let me explain. So the Cicadas will be all around, and they'll love the trees. So if you're out walking in a wooded area, you might hear them and feel a slight mist as you walk. It's rarely more than just a few drops, but sometimes you might get an actual.... stream.
Yes. That is Cicada pee.
However, slow your roll, Jackson. They're bugs, so they don't really have the same kind of digestive system that we humans have. So it's not Technically excrement, but it is water that they create in their bodies. And they spray it at anything they want to go away. So it's not just you, it's other cicadas they are competing with as well. My Grandma called it "sugar water" when they.... mist at you. So it's gross to think about, but nothing bad will happen.
4. There May Very Well Be Zombie Cicadas.
Wait. Just wait. Let's check back with science guy.
Massospora cicadina is a fungal pathogen that infects only 13- and 17-year periodical cicadas, such as this year's Brood X. The disease takes over their bodies, causing many to lose their lower abdomen and genitals. It's a strange phenomena that has been going on for hundreds of years, causing creepy dismembered — but alive — insects crawling across the area.
So from what I understand of it, what happens is that SOME of the buggies may get this disease. Could be about thirty percent of them. And if they do, it will... make their bellies fall off. Basically it's a fungus that turns into something that looks like a piece of chalk. And it makes their abdomens fall off, sometimes legs and wings, too. Just clean off. Gone. BUT. That doesn't kill them. So they'll be buzzin around, trying to mate, with like, half their bodies just yeeted out there somewhere.
So, yes. Zombie Cicadas.
Welcome to 2024, guys! I guess this is what we're dealing with now. At least they're not... Murder Cicadas? I'll take what I can get. If you want to read more about the Cicadas and where they'll be, all that good stuff, you can always check https://cicadasafari.org/.
Zombily yours,
Behka
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