Malört: One Way To Make The Bold And Bitter Drink Dividing Chicagoans Worse

For some reason, Jeppson's Malört, "a traditional wormwood-based digestif" has become a drink synonymous with Chicago. Now one Chicago area bar is making the adult beverage some like to hate even worse in celebration of cicada season.

For those who haven't been tortured by having to drink a shot of Jeppson's Malört, their website describes the drink as having an aroma and full-bodied flavor of an unusual botanical. They go on to say its bitter taste is savored by two-fisted drinkers. They go on to say it's not a drink for most people. Which I would completely agree with.

At some point, Malört became a drink that's a right of passage for some Chicagoans, or perhaps a hangover cure. It might be because Jeppson's Malört is a Chicago beverage. Carl Jeppson, a Swedish immigrant distilled and popularized the drink in his hometown. Even after Jeppson sold the recipe, it continued to be produced by a Chicago attorney, and eventually his secretary. Currently, Chicago's CH Distillery produces Malört, which can be found in Chicago-area bars and liquor stores, however, it can be hard to find elsewhere.

So how bad does Jeppson's Malört taste? Wikipedia says satirist John Hodgman says it "tastes like pencil shavings and heartbreak." In the 2013 film "Drinking Buddies" the liquor is described as a Chicago tradition for erasing past mistakes, and in that film Jason Sudeikis' character riffs that it's like swallowing a burnt condom filled with gasoline.

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Tremaine Atkinson, the founder of the distillery now responsible for Jeppson's Marlört describes it as, "taking a bite out of a grapefruit and then drinking a shot of gasoline."

So how could this drink be made any worse? Noon Whistle Brewing, who might disagree with my assessment of Malört, has the perfect way to make the drink taste even worse. Add Cicada.

The brewery, which has this drink available at their Lombard Brew Pup, offers their exclusive locally harvested Cicada-Infused Malört. They say the 17-year-old virgin cicadas bring a flavor reminiscent of succulent lobster to the adult beverage. Additionally, they encourage folks to add their own Cicada husks to enhance the flavor.

Want my opinion? Just say no to Malört. Say no in the morning. Say no in the evening. Say no after a night of partying. Don't let a Chicago bartender talk you into drinking it. Don't let a friend talk you into drinking it. Don't let my buddy Craiggy get you to drink it. Just say no to Malört and say hell no Malört with a Cicada.

If you want to try this cocktail, which only comes once every 17 years, you can do it at Noon Whistle Brewing, 800 East Roosevelt Road, in Lombard, Illinois.

And if you want a unique Chicago drink, go for the Old Style Beer, you might not like how it tastes, but it tastes 10 times better than Malört.